By Jay Culkin, MA, YPA-C, NYCPS-P, Youth Training Coordinator for Families Together New York State

Where we are today:

While visibility has proven to be an excellent step forward for the Transgender, Non-Binary, and Gender Non-conforming (TNBGNC) community it has also proven to have its challenges. Whether it’s youth, adults, or caregivers, the current social climate across the country has been looking bleak for individuals who identify with the TNBGNC community. Social media is rife with politicians and other agencies denouncing transgender people, especially youth, and targeting families and agencies who promote acceptance and inclusivity. As of September 5^th, 2024, more than 500 anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced into federal and state governments across the country (ACLU ,2024). TNBGNC youth are looking for a reprieve and a sense of hope in a society that is directly calling for restrictions against who they are. Supporting TNBGNC peers and the individuals they work with is one of the most impactful steps that clinics can take in supporting the TNBGNC individuals who receive services from your clinic. 

Call to Action:

Educate Yourself Ahead of Time 

As the transgender rights movement marches forward with many other movements, much of the terminology is starting to shift as well. The terminology is evolving to understand things from a point of view informed by gender diversity.

 

There are words and phrases that were acceptable several years ago that aren’t acceptable now. In addition there are a few terms that were not acceptable years ago that have become acceptable through the process of “reclaiming.” ( embed this article with “reclaiming.”) The most popular example of this is using the term “queer” as an umbrella term to describe many identities under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. Note that using this term appropriately is dependent upon context.

Some ways you can educate yourself ahead of time include: 

1. Find official guidance through a local library or academic body. This can include resources like the World Professional Association for Transgender Health or transgender guidelines from the American Psychiatric Association. While these guidelines may not be peer-written from the TNBGNC community it can be a good place to start.
2. Take to Google! This might require some deep digging to learn whether or not the resources and articles are written by LGBTQ-led agencies, organizations, or businesses. Trans Lifeline, a crisis hotline run for trans people and by trans people, has a resource library that can be helpful. Also, small social media pages made excellent graphics including one Instagram user @tai.draws. 
3. Discuss with friends, allies, or other TNBGNC individuals in your lives. They may not know everything you’ll need to know, as every individual experience with gender identity and gender expression is unique. However, we might be able to gather some insight or even just practice listening to and learning information that may be challenging for us to understand since our experiences are so different. 

Focus on Common Experience

It is easy to consider all of the differences between the TNBGNC community and those who do not have lived experience with this community. We may think about how much we don’t understand or how we struggle to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. What do you and this individual have in common? 

• Do you have some experience with the trans community?
  – Maybe you have a friend or family member who you can think of as a reference point. Maybe you know a celebrity who has spoken on the issue.
• Do you have similar experiences that you can build off of while you still acknowledge the differences?
  – Maybe you or loved ones close to you are part of a marginalized community. Maybe you have experience changing your name on vital documents for reasons other than having a TNBGNC identity. 
• Do you have common interests outside of the person’s transgender identity?
  – Maybe you love the same TV show or sports team and discussing it can break the ice and build trust before discussing heavier topics. Maybe you had the same hometown and can discuss what it was like to grow up in that town with a different lived experience. 

It’s important to remember that you are using these common experiences to put context to each individual’s personal identity. Common experience is not a way to fully learn about and become an expert on the individual you are serving because they still have unique experiences, needs, and wants. You are looking to establish the common humanity between yourself and the individual. 

Learn from Us

When you are able to establish enough trust and common humanity you can begin to learn from the individuals we serve. You should use your active listening skills, confirming the terminology that you’re learning for the specific individual. Eventually you’ll learn about little things you may not have thought about. You might even receive feedback that will help you better your program. 

Use your best judgment and think about potential reactions before asking questions. Questions should be phrased in a way that focuses on correct language, the understanding that gender diverse individuals take ownership of their own identity. When in doubt, ask to ask. “Can I ask you about…?” See some examples of what not to say and things you can say instead.

Examples:

Instead of…	You Can Say…
Are you getting “the surgery” or When are you getting “the surgery”?(or “sex change”)	What types of transition steps can I support you with? (there are many “surgeries” one can get as part of their transition, they’re call “gender-affirming surgeries”)
What is your real name? or What was your old name/birth name?	It’s best to not ask at all but in a case such as needing to know their legal name for documentation… Are there any previous names you’re associated with?
Are you biologically male or female?	It’s best not to ask at all but again, in cases where you must… What sex were you assigned at birth?
Transgendered, transgenders, transsexuals, transvestites (noun)	Transgender (adj), such as Transgender individual
Want to become a man/want to become a womanWas a man/was a woman	Transgender man (FTM) or Transgender woman (MTF), best practice to avoid the acronym unless necessary
If you’re transitioning to be a girl and you like other girls, isn’t that just straight with extra steps?	What sexual orientation do you identify as?
A they/them, they/thems***Some people who go by they/them pronouns have reclaimed this as a joke, best practice not to use it	A person who uses they/them pronouns
“Male parts” or “Female parts” Feminine hygiene products	Anatomically correct language Menstrual hygiene products
I never would have guessed you were trans, I never would have guessed you were a man/woman in the past. You look just like a real woman/man.	It’s best not to draw attention whether or not a youth is passing or not passing.If you want to compliment them, you can say something supportive like “you look happy being your authentic and genuine self.” Take the focus off their transition or past, etc.
How old were you when you knew?	Do you feel comfortable sharing your coming out/transition story?

The Power of “Okay”

There are times where you don’t have to learn everything about a TNBGNC individual. Sometimes it is best to just say “okay” and nothing more. This is because there is only so much that we can do to put ourselves in someone’s shoes. Just like many other marginalized groups, identity or expression is not something you can just switch on and off. Therefore, someone who is cisgender will not be able to turn on a magic light switch that will make them TNBGNC. Ask yourself: Is this something that will hurt the individual I’m providing services to or is this something I just don’t understand? 

Reflections on Programmatic Changes

After putting yourself in the mindset for mastering the interactions, consider programmatic changes you can make and concerns you can address. 

• Does your space have welcoming posters or art? 
• Do you have educational or informational material on tables or in waiting rooms? 
• Do intake forms and paperwork include areas to self-identify as TNBGNC? 
• Do staff have pronouns in emails? Do staff introduce their pronouns and discuss pronouns? With all clients or only clients who “appear trans.”
• Are staff trained on documentation and progress notes that respect identities regardless of legal status, to the point that a TNBGNC client would feel comfortable with the documentation if they viewed it? 
• Do staff have contingency plans to remedy mistakes? 
• Do you have any staff that openly identify as TNBGNC? If not, are people with lived experience as TNBGNC consulted? For example, regular training with TNBGNC people with lived experience. 
• Do your staff know where to turn when they don’t understand something? 

Note: While the TNBGNC community is within the larger LGBTQ+ community, some of the resources that apply to the entire community will not be the best fit for a TNBGNC individual. See how you can enhance this for your program. 

Further Reading:

LGBTQ+ Vocabulary – Glossary of Terms
https://thesafezoneproject.com/resources/vocabulary/ 

References:

ACLU. (2024). Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in US State Legislatures in 2024. https://www.aclu.org/legislative-attacks-on-lgbtq-rights-2024?state

American Psychological Association (2015). Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming (TGNC) People. American Psychological Association 0003-066X/15/$12.00 Vol. 70, No. 9, 832– 864 http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0039906 https://www.apa.org/practice/guidelines/transgender.pdf

Sturaro, S. & Fasoli, F. (2021). From Derogation to Reclamation: How Does Language Change? The Inquisitive Mind, (45)5. https://www.in-mind.org/article/from-derogation-to-reclamation-how-does-language-change

tai.draws (2020). How to do better at getting new pronouns right. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCGwmg-Hb4-/?igsh=MWQyaTRqa2I1bDNiZw%3D%3D&img_index=1

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) Standards of Care Version 8. https://www.wpath.org/

Translifeline Resource Library. https://translifeline.org/resources/

About the Author

Jay Culkin, Youth Workforce Development Coordinator

Jay Culkin is a professionally credentialed Youth Peer Advocate (YPA-C) who has been working in human services since 2015. Jay is also a NY Certified Peer Specialist (NYCPS-P). He received a BA in Sociology in 2018 from Stony Brook University and received a Master’s Degree in Social & Public Policy with an Advanced Certificate in Child & Family Advocacy in 2023 from Empire State University. He was the first of a pilot project at SCO Family of Services, a well-known child and family services non-profit from the NYC metropolitan area, to have seasoned YPAs mentoring newer YPAs. The purpose of mentoring was to help newer YPAs practice boundaries, communication, assertiveness, and other useful skills as lived experience professionals. Jay has spent most of his time as a YPA advocating for transgender youth and providing information to staff about quality LGBTQ+ care in mental health settings using examples from his own lived experience. He has been working to raise awareness of neurodiversity and the specific needs of neurodivergent individuals in school settings and the workplace environment. Jay has a passion for literacy, poetry, and the English Language Arts. As part of his passion Jay has previously volunteered as a tutor for Literacy Suffolk Inc., is currently volunteering as a docent for the Walt Whitman Birthplace Association and has been assisting with running a local Open Mic Night event called A Box of Chocolates. Jay is a born and raised Long Islander living with his wife and pet bunny, Onion.

Email Address: Unieves@ftnys.org     Phone: 929-729-3955